Sexuality is a complex thing. I don't understand what it means or how to tame beasts inside. Also what does it matter when people judge you about what you like and what you don't. Sometimes I just get so frustrated because I have delt with this question of do I like men do I like women. But last night I realzied that I don't need to choose and that is the issue. The way I have been wired is that there is an answer for everything and not just a question or a preference. Here is the question for you though how can one person explore their sexuality in a place where people believe that I am one way. I am not saying that I have shitty friends all I am saying is that I think I will be judged if I even tried with a girl. 21 years this has been on my mind been on my heart the fact that I can't decide and everyone needs me to so i can start my life. Look at me though I believe I have a pulse and I believe I am breathing so what the fuck am I waiting for. Here I am life so what if I know what I want and who does it matter to. The real me is something that is far to simple for anyone to understand. I love. Something that is so easy Love rules my life. In my life I have had very strong romantic love feelings toward women but I haven't truly had them with a man. In all honesty, gay men, you are easy and for a confused boy (myself or others) it is easy to get wrapped up into the sexual relationship and just decide "hey this feels good this is what I want forever." At the risk of sounding cheesy, where is the love! In life isn't that what everyone is really looking for someone to start a family with spend the rest of their lives with. That feeling of on the verge of tears and joyful screaming, the feeling of tingle and numbness, that feeling of comfort and danger, that feeling when you just know. Purely know that this person is the one the it the heart that connects you to humanity. That was a tad to poetic. In simpler terms........I am just looking for love and sexuality and it's confusing is just causing a huge mix up.
I have thought very hard and truly deep about this question idea for a while and I have made a vow. A vow to not have sex or confuse myself even further with sexuality. I will woo who I want and I will go after what I find beautiful and lovely. My heart will be at the front lines. If it is a man it is a man if it is a women it is a women. What difference should it make?!?!?! If anyone has a problem with this or thinks I am just changing with the weather they can fuck themselves. Cause at least I know I am not closing off my heart but opening it up for what it wants and needs...Love.
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